Boundaries. Honesty. Policies.
In my opinion, one of the most important qualities, choices of attitudes & behaviors, is honesty. Including honesty that some people may feel offended by or uncomfortable at my ( and at men in general ) admitting, as it may expose certain normalized abusive hypocritical, negatively projecting confirmation-biased attitudes, assumptions, lies, prejudices & behaviors committed against males.
One expression of this honesty includes that one of my boundaries for all people, women & men equally, is that I will not tolerate being abusively negatively projected onto, related to in passive aggressively and / or directly lying, falsely accusatory ways.
I have met & know many mutually respectful, honest, wonderful women. Women who I am deeply appreciative of.
I have also met & been subjected to more than a few abusive, manipulative lying, selfish women. Women who violate my boundaries, lie & try to excuse doing so simply because they are female & I am a male human being. And have experienced many people falsely assume their honesty & support them simply because they are female.
I will no longer quietly tolerate abusive dishonest manipulative people, including women who feel and act like simply because they are female they can abusively passive aggressively or directly manipulatively lie, negatively project onto me, violate my boundaries, come on to me sexually then attempt to lie & falsely accuse me to try to hide their own dishonest or sexual behaviors.
And one of my boundaries includes requiring women to own their adult responsibility & accountability for proactively & responsively directly honestly telling me when & if they have boundaries & preferences at any time during their massages with me exactly what, where & when such is before expecting me to know & respect such. Which for mutual comfort & respect I always have done & do respect when clearly told & understood.
Yet I have been treated abusively dishonestly & vindictively by some women. Such as for my merely admitting the fact that women have vastly diverse interpretations, boundaries, openness & preferences about what they want, are comfortable with, view as respectful and appreciate.
As an example, multiple women who taught at, and many women who were also students at massage schools I attended, and many women I have encountered during my over 20 years as a certified massage therapist, promoted and otherwise express appreciative interest in including abdominal, chest & breast massage as part of massage sessions.
Many women have expressed feeling disrespected by people who view inclusion of these areas of the natural body as bad, something to shame or always exclude during massage sessions.
And far more women than I had initially ever considered would, indirectly or directly express preferences for inclusion of such during their massage sessions.
Many being indirect about it by releasing or assertively removing their sheet draping after I've asked them to hold the drape in place while I provide stretching during sessions.
Or by not stating a boundary even though I mention as I always do ( and I even have a sign - shown at bottom of this text box - in my office affirming honest direct communicating such boundaries for mutual clarity & comfort )
to tell me such, and when I've asked them to tell me where to stop & avoid such as if including massage into pectoral, chest or hip regions.
While I have always done my best to be gentle, not shaming women for wanting more inclusion of areas even when more than I am open to providing with them or generally, I still do have personal boundaries.
Some women have respected my boundaries and owned their equality of responsibility & accountability for their feelings and clearly respectfully honestly directly telling me of theirs before expecting me to know & respect such equally.
And unfortunately some women have not respected my boundaries & have not been honest about their own misleading dishonest, negative projecting, and sexual behaviors.
More than a few women instead chose to be abusively dishonest, to lie by omission and / or commission, be vindictive & even try to falsely accuse me for not giving them a sexual experience they wanted or to try to not admit what they chose to do. And some just out of mean-spirited vindictiveness because I dared to speak honestly about such experiences instead of just quietly accepting abusive lying behaviors from females simply because they are female & I am a male.
Several of my first sexual experiences included being raped by older women, one who used threats of false accusations to do so. As a massage therapist, I've encountered more than a few women who chose to relate in similar abusive manipulative dishonest ways.
And I personally know of many, many men with many similar experiences who have usually been shamed, disbelieved, falsely accused of being bad & mocked by women if they admitted it. Which is why many men remain silent about such.
That is something I will no longer quietly tolerate.
I believe in and support true equality.
True equality = equal, never extra, rights & belief for females, balanced & earned by holding all females to equal honest full investigation, admission, responsibility, accountability & when needed punishments in all ways & contexts generally & for their attitudes, behaviors and effects of such.
And true equality = supporting boys & men's equal human rights. Equally listening to, giving male humans equal due process, belief, love & protection from abusive, manipulative, selfish lying females and people who "just believe women" who abuse, falsely accuse & lie by omission and or commission & otherwise abuse males.
I always respect women's directly honestly stated boundaries as long as they own their equal adult responsibility for their feelings & for simply honestly telling me what where & when their boundaries & preferences are before expecting me to know & respect such, so I can.
As long as their "boundaries" don't involve them abusively negatively projecting, lying, violating my boundaries and trying to censor and / or falsely accuse me & not be held accountable for doing so.
All the women who I've related with, and still do, who are honest with themselves and me and treat me with equal respect, care and humanity as they want to receive, know & many have expressed being grateful for the authenticity, genuine caring, honest & respectful way I am, give sessions for & relate with them overall.
I am accepting of & respect women's varied ranges of boundaries & openness even when it is beyond my own personal preferences & comfort generally or with them specifically, as long as I am related with honestly & my boundaries are also respected.
These experiences are also why I am mostly giving clothed chair & sometimes table massages for new clients - people now.
