Blog Notes :
Topics directly & indirectly related to meditative embodiment, consciousness, the reality of diverse perspectives - interpretations, beliefs, wellness & more.
Why the slow movement of tai chi qigong & stillness of zhan zhuang?
One aspect of Tai Chi qigong & zhan zhuang which is wondered about by some individuals and is less common among movement arts, is the relative slowness and stillness which they are engaged with.
Why do we move so slowly and just stand for a while?
One reason is that by slowing the pace which we move, we are challenged to pay more focused attention to & feel what we are doing, our structural alignments and the quality of our embodying presence and movement.
And to the quality of awareness & content of our beliefs, assumptions, our leaning forward into an imagined future or back into an imagined past.
When we rush through movements, as through the rest of life and relationships with ourself and each other, often it perpetuates simply reacting on automatic pilot so to speak. Based more in the comfortably familiar, worn grooves of ones preconceived & sometimes unrecognized biases, assumptions, projections, fears, prejudices, limits of appreciation, lack of empathy & facility and other attitudes & behaviors.
Such beliefs, emotional reactions & ways of being & relating can become dogmatic and blinding if held to as the only valid options.
If one does not recognize & respect the reality that many additional options ( and people who appreciatively default to them ) for being, learning, loving, exploring embodying life & relating in all contexts, equally exist & are equally valid.
This includes options which we or some others may choose to dislike, feel uncomfortable with, offended by & not truly understand if expecting everyone & life to submit to different personal limits of appreciation & comfort, be unfamiliar with, etc..
When we slow our movement even more than we are use to, focusing our attentive awareness into our body and content & quality of our thinking & feelings, we sensitize our awareness to such patterns, dogmatic beliefs & assumptions. And to their effects on interpretations & feelings. Creating space to quiet the mind into clearer, curious & exploratory awareness, open our heart & transform our consciousness beyond patterned chatter & reactionary, dogmatic blinding ways of interpreting, behaving & relating.
In the relative stillness of zhan zhuang standing embodied meditation, we have a cauldron of sorts to recognize, accept & refine our responsibility for awareness generally & of our ideas, beliefs & resulting feelings, reactions, responses. And how these manifest in our body & emotions. And in our feelings about human relational & additional life experiences.
As comfort or discomfort.
Suppleness or rigidity.
As respecting that many women & men interpret differently & appreciatively the same words & experiences which one or some others may interpret negatively or uncomfortably, or negatively projecting & misinterpreting peoples' kindly intentioned real or imagined invitations & openness with us in any ways, as if they are demands or expectations for anything other than direct open honest communication of our subjective boundaries, preferences & generally for mutual clarity & respect.
Smooth & sensitive or rigid & clunky movement.
In the present moment appreciation & loving presence or frustration & dishonesty.
The quality of our experiences is ultimately up to us to choose. To create. By how we subconsciously and consciously choose to focus our attention & interpretations.
If we want to feel good unitively, be healthy, supple and loving we focus on nurturing open honesty, authenticity, appreciation and curiosity in our attitudes & behaviors, rather than calcifying dogmatic beliefs, passive aggressive & direct dishonest & negative projections. And respecting our own & each others freedom equally.
- Aaron
The following quotes from other people affirm kindred healthy, loving, exploratory perspectives, ways of being & relating.
Why do we move so slowly and just stand for a while?
One reason is that by slowing the pace which we move, we are challenged to pay more focused attention to & feel what we are doing, our structural alignments and the quality of our embodying presence and movement.
And to the quality of awareness & content of our beliefs, assumptions, our leaning forward into an imagined future or back into an imagined past.
When we rush through movements, as through the rest of life and relationships with ourself and each other, often it perpetuates simply reacting on automatic pilot so to speak. Based more in the comfortably familiar, worn grooves of ones preconceived & sometimes unrecognized biases, assumptions, projections, fears, prejudices, limits of appreciation, lack of empathy & facility and other attitudes & behaviors.
Such beliefs, emotional reactions & ways of being & relating can become dogmatic and blinding if held to as the only valid options.
If one does not recognize & respect the reality that many additional options ( and people who appreciatively default to them ) for being, learning, loving, exploring embodying life & relating in all contexts, equally exist & are equally valid.
This includes options which we or some others may choose to dislike, feel uncomfortable with, offended by & not truly understand if expecting everyone & life to submit to different personal limits of appreciation & comfort, be unfamiliar with, etc..
When we slow our movement even more than we are use to, focusing our attentive awareness into our body and content & quality of our thinking & feelings, we sensitize our awareness to such patterns, dogmatic beliefs & assumptions. And to their effects on interpretations & feelings. Creating space to quiet the mind into clearer, curious & exploratory awareness, open our heart & transform our consciousness beyond patterned chatter & reactionary, dogmatic blinding ways of interpreting, behaving & relating.
In the relative stillness of zhan zhuang standing embodied meditation, we have a cauldron of sorts to recognize, accept & refine our responsibility for awareness generally & of our ideas, beliefs & resulting feelings, reactions, responses. And how these manifest in our body & emotions. And in our feelings about human relational & additional life experiences.
As comfort or discomfort.
Suppleness or rigidity.
As respecting that many women & men interpret differently & appreciatively the same words & experiences which one or some others may interpret negatively or uncomfortably, or negatively projecting & misinterpreting peoples' kindly intentioned real or imagined invitations & openness with us in any ways, as if they are demands or expectations for anything other than direct open honest communication of our subjective boundaries, preferences & generally for mutual clarity & respect.
Smooth & sensitive or rigid & clunky movement.
In the present moment appreciation & loving presence or frustration & dishonesty.
The quality of our experiences is ultimately up to us to choose. To create. By how we subconsciously and consciously choose to focus our attention & interpretations.
If we want to feel good unitively, be healthy, supple and loving we focus on nurturing open honesty, authenticity, appreciation and curiosity in our attitudes & behaviors, rather than calcifying dogmatic beliefs, passive aggressive & direct dishonest & negative projections. And respecting our own & each others freedom equally.
- Aaron
The following quotes from other people affirm kindred healthy, loving, exploratory perspectives, ways of being & relating.
" I spent a lot of years trying to outrun or outsmart vulnerability by making things certain and definite, black and white, good and bad. My inability to lean into the discomfort of vulnerability limited the fullness of those important experiences that are wrought with uncertainty: Love, belonging, trust, joy, and creativity to name a few. " - Brene Brown
" If others tell us something we make assumptions, and if they don't tell us something we make assumptions to fulfill our need to know and to replace the need to communicate.
Even if we hear something and we don't understand we make assumptions about what it means and then believe the assumptions.
We make all sorts of assumptions because we don't have the courage to ask questions ( and to communicate directly openly honestly with - rather than deafly at, gossiping about & ghosting - each other. " ) - Miguel Ruiz
" In any kind of relationship, we can make the ( erroneous & misleading ) assumption that others know what we think, and we don’t have to say what we want & don't want.
We assume they are going to do what we want because they know us so well.
If they don’t do what we want, we feel hurt and think, How could you do that? You should know. "
- Don Miguel Ruiz. Author of The Four Agreements.
" We never look beyond our assumptions and what's worse, we have given up trying to meet others; we just meet ourselves. " - Muriel Barbery
The significance of the quote is true for many kinds of human relationships.
It is a main reason that nurturing mutually openly honestly communicative, appreciative lasting relationships of many kinds & contexts is worthwhile.
And why I prefer such with people I give massages for whether more formally or personally, relate as friendships, emotionally & sexually affectionate relationships, and various other kinds of human connections.
It is unfortunately ( in my belief ) common in our society for many people to view & relate at - rather than openly with - each other more as temporary disposable utilitarian objects & subjects of their own ( sometimes negative ) assumptive projections and stories.
Rather than relating with curiosity, appreciation of our shared humanity and diverse interpretations & views, and communicating directly openly honestly with each other to develop deepening accurate mutual understanding, respect & harmony in our ways of being & relating.
It seems it's become normalized for some people to choose to jump to negative assumptions based in their own subjective biases, beliefs, limits of appreciation & resulting feelings.
And to ghost people to avoid simply directly openly honestly communicating with people generally and if one doesn't like & doesn't understand some experience or intention assumed & interpreted in certain ways.
In attempt to falsely convince themselves or oneself that assumptive ideas & feelings about themselves, experiences and / or individuals are true and the only possible interpretations & intentions. Dehumanizing & blinding perceptions.
Yet most of us can empathize with the desire for more open honest communicating & mutual understanding when we have experienced misunderstandings, been negatively or otherwise inaccurately assumed about & projected onto and ghosted by people.
And hopefully likewise we mature to equally include each other in our empathy & recognize, admit and transform where & when we have done such in our ways of viewing & relating with, deafly at or ghosting people.
When we choose to remain mutually openly honestly communicative, curious rather than dogmatic assumptive with each other, we develop clearer understanding, appreciation & respect of each others equal humanity.
And of the beautiful, natural diversity & nuance of human interpretations, boundaries, default openness & appreciation, feelings & being.
Opening space in our psyche for expanding & clearing our own awareness, empathy, beliefs, appreciation and love of many kinds.
This enables us to release our false - mistaken, tension producing narratives & related feelings. Rather than simply assuming about & flippantly discarding people & human relationships of various kinds, developing calloused hearts & closed, dogmatic beliefs in the process.
This viewing & relating with each other with equal kindred human empathy, kindness, open honest communicating and care enables us to co-create authentic, mutually respecting, appreciative, lasting & harmonious ways & kinds of being & relating with each other and with life.
It is a main reason that nurturing mutually openly honestly communicative, appreciative lasting relationships of many kinds & contexts is worthwhile.
And why I prefer such with people I give massages for whether more formally or personally, relate as friendships, emotionally & sexually affectionate relationships, and various other kinds of human connections.
It is unfortunately ( in my belief ) common in our society for many people to view & relate at - rather than openly with - each other more as temporary disposable utilitarian objects & subjects of their own ( sometimes negative ) assumptive projections and stories.
Rather than relating with curiosity, appreciation of our shared humanity and diverse interpretations & views, and communicating directly openly honestly with each other to develop deepening accurate mutual understanding, respect & harmony in our ways of being & relating.
It seems it's become normalized for some people to choose to jump to negative assumptions based in their own subjective biases, beliefs, limits of appreciation & resulting feelings.
And to ghost people to avoid simply directly openly honestly communicating with people generally and if one doesn't like & doesn't understand some experience or intention assumed & interpreted in certain ways.
In attempt to falsely convince themselves or oneself that assumptive ideas & feelings about themselves, experiences and / or individuals are true and the only possible interpretations & intentions. Dehumanizing & blinding perceptions.
Yet most of us can empathize with the desire for more open honest communicating & mutual understanding when we have experienced misunderstandings, been negatively or otherwise inaccurately assumed about & projected onto and ghosted by people.
And hopefully likewise we mature to equally include each other in our empathy & recognize, admit and transform where & when we have done such in our ways of viewing & relating with, deafly at or ghosting people.
When we choose to remain mutually openly honestly communicative, curious rather than dogmatic assumptive with each other, we develop clearer understanding, appreciation & respect of each others equal humanity.
And of the beautiful, natural diversity & nuance of human interpretations, boundaries, default openness & appreciation, feelings & being.
Opening space in our psyche for expanding & clearing our own awareness, empathy, beliefs, appreciation and love of many kinds.
This enables us to release our false - mistaken, tension producing narratives & related feelings. Rather than simply assuming about & flippantly discarding people & human relationships of various kinds, developing calloused hearts & closed, dogmatic beliefs in the process.
This viewing & relating with each other with equal kindred human empathy, kindness, open honest communicating and care enables us to co-create authentic, mutually respecting, appreciative, lasting & harmonious ways & kinds of being & relating with each other and with life.
The choice to question ones own ( and acquired via gossip ) negative projections & assumptions, and to communicate openly directly honestly
with people we relate with in any way, expresses maturity.
And co-creates genuine mutual understanding, respect & harmonious experiences.
Balancing posterior with anterior for alleviating posterior torso & neck pain.
Part of the beauty of this world is the complimentary nature of life. How the movement of earth & sun flow life on this planet through darkness & light.
How our breathing in life energy as oxygen is balanced with exhaling carbon dioxide.
Body nourishing blood circulates through our body via contractions & releasing expansion of our heart muscle.
Male & female beings compliment & harmonize with each other when relating with mutual appreciation & honest open communicating with each other .
Movement of our body is enabled by refined contractions and releasing of muscle fibers.
Etc..
Likewise, one of the most common issues people refer to wanting assistance alleviating with massages, is back and neck stiffness & pain.
And one of the most common causes of such symptoms is created & perpetuated by forward hunching of shoulders, chest, pectorals, neck and head.
Given our eyes face forward and many of us spend a lot of time looking & manipulating objects with hands in front of us, at computers, using phones, driving, etc., over time the fascia, muscles, body memory become habituated to such forward rounding & leaning positions. This of course contracts - shortens the muscles & fascia in the anterior torso, especially the chest, pectorals, anterior neck. Which creates a blend of chronic extension in some posterior torso & neck tissues as they are pulled forward by the contracting muscles & fascia, as well as tightening of posterior muscles to try to maintain a somewhat upright posture and not topple forward.
An importance point about this is that only addressing the symptoms of tension & pain in the posterior side of the body is often not enough to give fully, causally effective wellness support. It is important to develop & maintain consistent postural awareness.
Keping the gravitational flow as vertically aligned as possible through the crown of head, spine, pelvis, legs, feet and into the earth. Finding positions which use the least amount of strain as possible to stay balanced upright when standing and sitting.
While including stretching and massage of the anterior torso, chest and neck muscles. Helping to relax and elongate, release excess contraction & adhesions in those muscles & fascia. When stretching, ideally releasing gradually into each stretch - opening position for at least a few minutes - as this will allow for deepening release.
This also helps to free the rib cage & diaphragm. And open the heart center. Allowing for easier, fuller inhalations and feelings, transforming and harmonizing of emotions.
Which promotes deeper, slower breathing and calming of nervous system. Something very beneficial in a society where there is a lot of external stimulation, rapid changes and busyness at the expense of balancing slowness, self care and nurturing experiences.
As we give ourselves and each other appreciation & space to breathe, literally and metaphorically, we nourish our individual & interrelated well-being, peace & enjoyment of being alive.
How our breathing in life energy as oxygen is balanced with exhaling carbon dioxide.
Body nourishing blood circulates through our body via contractions & releasing expansion of our heart muscle.
Male & female beings compliment & harmonize with each other when relating with mutual appreciation & honest open communicating with each other .
Movement of our body is enabled by refined contractions and releasing of muscle fibers.
Etc..
Likewise, one of the most common issues people refer to wanting assistance alleviating with massages, is back and neck stiffness & pain.
And one of the most common causes of such symptoms is created & perpetuated by forward hunching of shoulders, chest, pectorals, neck and head.
Given our eyes face forward and many of us spend a lot of time looking & manipulating objects with hands in front of us, at computers, using phones, driving, etc., over time the fascia, muscles, body memory become habituated to such forward rounding & leaning positions. This of course contracts - shortens the muscles & fascia in the anterior torso, especially the chest, pectorals, anterior neck. Which creates a blend of chronic extension in some posterior torso & neck tissues as they are pulled forward by the contracting muscles & fascia, as well as tightening of posterior muscles to try to maintain a somewhat upright posture and not topple forward.
An importance point about this is that only addressing the symptoms of tension & pain in the posterior side of the body is often not enough to give fully, causally effective wellness support. It is important to develop & maintain consistent postural awareness.
Keping the gravitational flow as vertically aligned as possible through the crown of head, spine, pelvis, legs, feet and into the earth. Finding positions which use the least amount of strain as possible to stay balanced upright when standing and sitting.
While including stretching and massage of the anterior torso, chest and neck muscles. Helping to relax and elongate, release excess contraction & adhesions in those muscles & fascia. When stretching, ideally releasing gradually into each stretch - opening position for at least a few minutes - as this will allow for deepening release.
This also helps to free the rib cage & diaphragm. And open the heart center. Allowing for easier, fuller inhalations and feelings, transforming and harmonizing of emotions.
Which promotes deeper, slower breathing and calming of nervous system. Something very beneficial in a society where there is a lot of external stimulation, rapid changes and busyness at the expense of balancing slowness, self care and nurturing experiences.
As we give ourselves and each other appreciation & space to breathe, literally and metaphorically, we nourish our individual & interrelated well-being, peace & enjoyment of being alive.
Openly honest communication, diversity of interpretations & wellness.
Since I began giving massages in 2004, I have had my awareness opened to how subjective & diversely individuals beliefs, boundaries, default openness and desires are about the natural body, nurturing touch through massages & generally. And about what people choose to interpret as practical, technically therapeutic, sensual or sexual affection, respectful, loving and kind.
Due to experiencing many hundreds of women ( and occasionally men, but its mostly women in my experience ) who behind closed doors often indirectly or directly express comfort, preferences, openness, curiosity & desire to experience openness about their natural body and nurturing through massages which is often beyond what some people & dogmas choose to believe is "normal", "appropriate", comfortable with, or are open to admitting.
I still have boundaries of my own for what & how I am open to give & relate for massages and anything else I do generally and if money is exchanged for it. Such as anything I consider overtly sexual I prefer to not accept or give money for. While respecting equally those who choose that for themselves.
My preference is to reserve such for someone I am open to ( and am trusting is with me as well ) mutually nurturing a lasting, genuine affectionate friendship with at least.
It's never an expectation of sexual relating for me, even if I am open to such. Just a natural, healthy trusting openness when seems mutual to giving & sharing appreciative, lovingly nurturing presence & affection - platonic or otherwise as seems open.
With a base of authentic care and honest open communicating with each other.
Women's interpretations of what they even consider sexual I've learned is incredibly varied. Contrary to those who inaccurately assume their own personal views, limits of appreciation, comfort and respect in these realms & with the natural body and affection are the only valid or existing views.
Some people don't even want their abdomen, chest or hips massaged or seen. Many women want these some or all of these areas included and feel it's shaming and unhealthy to omit or hide these areas.
Many women don't want any draping, or just initially for hips.
Some women have wanted me to include their yoni - vaginal area but avoid their breasts. For some women it's the reverse.
For me including yoni is one of my boundaries for what I don't include if accepting payment for massages, and I definitely prefer to reserve for friendship or more involved intimate relationship. So if a woman seems to be wanting that level of inclusion, I view that as an expression of a desire to develop a mutually appreciative, lasting intimate personal connection not bound by my formal massage limitations & monetary involvement at least.
And the amount of personal relating additional to any & all of these and other experiences beyond just massage is widely varied.
As is the willingness of individuals to respect my boundaries - including one I always state upfront for open honest direct verbal communicating with me about each persons boundaries, preferences and questions in support of mutual understanding & respect.
Some are thankfully mutually respectfully honestly communicative, equally appreciative of the vulnerable position I am in as well, as I'm not a mind reader & do my best to navigate their & other women's diverse default subjective views & interests without shaming. People who own their feelings, communicate honestly openly with me and refrain from negatively projecting, are beautifully harmonious to give for & relate with.
Others not so much. Such as those negatively project, choose to feel offended, falsely accusatory, try to hide their choices by lying & get angry at the fact ( and my honestly admitting that ) many women have different defaults of appreciative openness & preferences than their own and I do my best to respect all of these even though I'm not a mind reader & have my own personal boundaries & preferences as well.
Life is diverse. Our options for how we choose to interpret, which effects how we feel, anything in these realms & most of life, spirituality and human experiences, is beautifully vast & creatively diverse.
My intention of referring to these aspects of life as well, is to help support people growing beyond the abusive, damaging effects of normalized negative assumptive projections, shame, dishonesty, fear and dogmatic beliefs & related ways of reacting.
To affirm more inclusively loving, diversity respecting, vulnerably open, honestly communicative, mutually respecting & appreciative perspectives, ways of being & relating for everyone.
As this is what allows us all to coexist and thrive in this shared universe.
This also deepens our quality of unitive, harmonious embodiment.
And transforms layers of emotional - physical tension, reactivity & numbness into more suppleness, balance & natural relaxation.
Due to experiencing many hundreds of women ( and occasionally men, but its mostly women in my experience ) who behind closed doors often indirectly or directly express comfort, preferences, openness, curiosity & desire to experience openness about their natural body and nurturing through massages which is often beyond what some people & dogmas choose to believe is "normal", "appropriate", comfortable with, or are open to admitting.
I still have boundaries of my own for what & how I am open to give & relate for massages and anything else I do generally and if money is exchanged for it. Such as anything I consider overtly sexual I prefer to not accept or give money for. While respecting equally those who choose that for themselves.
My preference is to reserve such for someone I am open to ( and am trusting is with me as well ) mutually nurturing a lasting, genuine affectionate friendship with at least.
It's never an expectation of sexual relating for me, even if I am open to such. Just a natural, healthy trusting openness when seems mutual to giving & sharing appreciative, lovingly nurturing presence & affection - platonic or otherwise as seems open.
With a base of authentic care and honest open communicating with each other.
Women's interpretations of what they even consider sexual I've learned is incredibly varied. Contrary to those who inaccurately assume their own personal views, limits of appreciation, comfort and respect in these realms & with the natural body and affection are the only valid or existing views.
Some people don't even want their abdomen, chest or hips massaged or seen. Many women want these some or all of these areas included and feel it's shaming and unhealthy to omit or hide these areas.
Many women don't want any draping, or just initially for hips.
Some women have wanted me to include their yoni - vaginal area but avoid their breasts. For some women it's the reverse.
For me including yoni is one of my boundaries for what I don't include if accepting payment for massages, and I definitely prefer to reserve for friendship or more involved intimate relationship. So if a woman seems to be wanting that level of inclusion, I view that as an expression of a desire to develop a mutually appreciative, lasting intimate personal connection not bound by my formal massage limitations & monetary involvement at least.
And the amount of personal relating additional to any & all of these and other experiences beyond just massage is widely varied.
As is the willingness of individuals to respect my boundaries - including one I always state upfront for open honest direct verbal communicating with me about each persons boundaries, preferences and questions in support of mutual understanding & respect.
Some are thankfully mutually respectfully honestly communicative, equally appreciative of the vulnerable position I am in as well, as I'm not a mind reader & do my best to navigate their & other women's diverse default subjective views & interests without shaming. People who own their feelings, communicate honestly openly with me and refrain from negatively projecting, are beautifully harmonious to give for & relate with.
Others not so much. Such as those negatively project, choose to feel offended, falsely accusatory, try to hide their choices by lying & get angry at the fact ( and my honestly admitting that ) many women have different defaults of appreciative openness & preferences than their own and I do my best to respect all of these even though I'm not a mind reader & have my own personal boundaries & preferences as well.
Life is diverse. Our options for how we choose to interpret, which effects how we feel, anything in these realms & most of life, spirituality and human experiences, is beautifully vast & creatively diverse.
My intention of referring to these aspects of life as well, is to help support people growing beyond the abusive, damaging effects of normalized negative assumptive projections, shame, dishonesty, fear and dogmatic beliefs & related ways of reacting.
To affirm more inclusively loving, diversity respecting, vulnerably open, honestly communicative, mutually respecting & appreciative perspectives, ways of being & relating for everyone.
As this is what allows us all to coexist and thrive in this shared universe.
This also deepens our quality of unitive, harmonious embodiment.
And transforms layers of emotional - physical tension, reactivity & numbness into more suppleness, balance & natural relaxation.
Reach out to meet, give for & relate with mutually appreciative people.
I've learned over years the value of reaching out to offer connecting with people through social media, in person and other ways. As this is what creates opportunities for meeting people we often would not have met otherwise.
Who may, and do, choose to interpret & respond with curiosity, appreciation & openness to ways of caring, services and natural, kind & authentic human relating which I and some additional beings are open to offer, and give & share when discovering mutually appreciative beings.
Just because some people may not understand, may negatively project suspicious, fearful, misintepretive assumptions & limits of appreciation when we are authentic, kind & vulnerably courageous to reach out and offer human connections of various kinds, our skills and humanity, doesn't mean we should stop being open and exploring life, offering ( and accepting when mutually desired ) invitations and relating with each other.
Of course if we don't want to do something someone offers us we can simply mutually respectfully honestly respond thanking them and letting them know we are not interested, or if we may be and have questions.
And vice versa for those we open to offer for & communicate with, if they say thanks, but they aren't interested, we simply accept they aren't the ones to relate with and move on with our life and those who do appreciate.
If people don't reply I've learned sometimes they just haven't read or remembered the communications. Or they weren't in a space at that time to accept it but can be at another time. So it's worth checking in and offering again at other times.
As many people appreciate, desire and choose to accept the same, similar & diverse invitations & ways of kind human meeting, relating, nurturing embodying wellness we offer, give & share.
And these are the people we are doing it for. Opening ourselves for. Who match a demographic most likely to appreciate, enjoy and thereby benefit from the unique ways & perspectives we can & do embody, give & share. Who we are able to meet, communicate with, give for & relate with in any ways we discover are mutually appreciative by reaching out to people.
