For this post, I am sharing an article written by Kim Anami. About the importance of choosing to respond with open minded, loving energy. Often when we look beyond negative assumptions we or others may make about a persons actions, this allows us & each other to expand our awareness to include deeper mutually loving understanding and ways of being & relating.
To recognize when our negative beliefs and feelings about people are inaccurate, mistaken projections based on our own ( and others via gossip ) story, assumptions, personal preferences and limits of personal empathic appreciation and respect.
" How to Bring More Love into Your Life.
Author : Kim Anami.
12:28 pm , October 31, 2014
Everyone wants to know!
It’s simple, really.
So simple that most people overlook it.
Be more loving.
Give more love to everyone around you.
When you feel low on love and sad and unloved, take tiny steps to show even one person in your sphere more love.
Even if you feel well-loved, the more love you can give to those around you, the more comes back to you.
The catch is, you have to go first.
I was driving in rush hour in LA the other day (which is almost all day, but whatever) and I was dodging traffic through an alley.
A woman was backing her car out and I thought she might not see me and would hit me.
So I honked my horn.
She lost it and leaned out her window to yell and swear at me to go around her, etc. etc.
Then she sped off.
I caught up with her at the light and rolled down my window.
I told her that I wanted her to know that I wasn’t honking because I was impatient, that it was a “courtesy honk” (if you’ve spent any time in Indonesia, you’ll understand this immediately), and that I wanted to make sure she saw me.
Her face softened and she held up her hand in peace.
I smiled at her and then she suddenly broke, saying that her cat had been at the vet’s for three days and was near death. She teared up and apologized to me.
I said that I totally understood (this was a long traffic light) and I’d been exactly where she is (with less than exemplary verbal conduct in my car…)
Now, I don’t always take the high road in encounters like this, but for some reason in that moment, I did.
And it blossomed into this beautiful moment.
Over her going ballistic.
Then we both drove off with more open hearts.
Because love is the most powerful weapon you have.
How many times have you lashed out at someone because you had another, more serious issue, lurking beneath the surface?
Most people lash out because they do.
It’s not always about you.
But it’s easy to get sucked in and take things personally.
If you keep yourself centered in love, and remember that love is the answer to pretty much everything, you can turn almost any situation around very quickly.
And even if it doesn’t, the fact that you handled it with love will: 1) make you feel much better and 2) bring more love back to you.
The Law of Karma is very exacting.
If you can fill your days with even a few small gestures of giving, “just because,” you’ll up the love quotient in your life.
This applies to strangers and acquaintances and of course to your lover and your family.
Sometimes it’s extending just a little more patience to your child, or a little more compassion to your lover.
Sometimes all it takes is a deep breath before you speak.
All it really takes is a choice.
To be more loving.
And to embody more love.
And it all comes back to you. "
Kxx " by Kim Anami.
"We are all born with selfish desires. But kindness is made individually by each person, so it's easy to misunderstand when people are offering kindness." Natsuki Takaya.
"If we never look beyond our prejudices and assumptions, & those of others via gossip, we don't meet, relate with & understand others, we meet & relate to our projected assumptions, fearful dogmas & biases, and limits of loving appreciation. "
" Honesty is one of the highest & most needed forms of Love & integrity. "
" I think it is funny that we were freer about sexuality in the 4th century B.C. It is a little disconcerting."ANGELINA JOLIE, interview, Nov. 22, 2004
"Sex is just another form of talk, where you act the words instead of saying them." D. H. LAWRENCE, Lady Chatterley's Lover
Some people have mistakenly assumed that because I sometimes share posts about love & sexuality, and because I am also a massage therapist and tai chi qigong & zhan zhuang meditation teacher, that that means I sell sexuality. I do not. To make such mistaken judgements is one of the abusive errors of rushing to believe & project ones own assumptions & limits of nuanced perspectives & experience and that of others via gossip.
The article that I share below my post here, explores some of the aspects of related perspectives of human diversity.
While I am more open in my personal life, and do also love combing giving longer massages that I do not charge money for which are more inclusively sexually lovingly affectionate for women who enjoy this & I feel mutually appreciatively open with, massages I give for pay are not specifically sexual. And always whatever is given is only to authentic mutual comfort for each individual person I give to based on ones moment to moment honest, direct, verbal communication to me of subjective boundaries, preferences and comfort in each present moment. Which includes my own comfort boundaries as well.
While massages I give for pay can be sensual in the sense of nourishing a deeply loving, sensitively slow nurturing & embodied experience of being pleasurably present in ones natural body, I do not combine having sex with people as part of paid massages.
But in my experience there is also much abusively repressive religiously & culturally normalized ( conscious & unconscious ) shame, taboo, knee jerk fear & suspicious projections and inhibiting guilt about any experiences of exploring loving empathy, kindness, creativity, beauty & intimacy through sexual experiences which expand beyond the rigid dogmatic confines of what ones own or a religious or social norm & acceptance may be. While it may be normal in this culture, it is not necessarily natural or the healthier, diversity & freedom respecting choice.
It is much saner, healthier and respectful of all to recognize and honor the equal rights of everyone to appreciate, offer to each other to learn who else is appreciatively open to with each other or / and others, and to freely enjoy exploring & sharing relating consensually in diverse embodied, including sexually when mutually desired, loving ways with one or many additional beings who are open to with us.
This more open respectful acceptance also helps us be more relaxed emotionally, mentally and in our bodies. As our bodies are indeed our consciousness experiencing ourselves through sensual physicalizing expression.
Even while we may choose to not engage in certain types of sexual experiences or with certain people for our own being, and own our responsibility for communicating this honestly, mutually respectfully clearly to whoever we are relating with so they can understand & thereby respect that.
Making the more mature choice to evolve beyond interpreting and relating negatively to experiences and people offering & open to them which are beyond our comfort zone or preferences. Instead respecting their equal validity, freedom, respect-worthiness and love also facilitates a deepening wisdom, release of hypocrisy, deeper love and respectfulness in us.
Which our body & emotions also respond to by becoming more relaxed, comfortable and immersed in the present moment with less perception distorting mental chatter & judgmental projections.
This perspective & way of relating to life, ourselves and each other is ultimately what creates deeper healing as well, more than the purely technical aspects of massage effecting blood flow, resolving muscular fiber adhesion's and such.
It helps us all to more fully recognize, accept, love and embrace our own and all beings innate natural rights to freely lovingly be and relate consensually in widely diverse ways. And to allow more freedom of thought & belief to grow ourselves beyond rigid, calcifying dogmatic ideas we may have clung to at any one present moment or lifetime. To expand our capacity for loving appreciation of & respect for the equality of diverse ways of being, loving and caring and people who are open to them.
Now for the article : -
" The Folly of Sexual Repression
An Essay by Shiva Rodriguez
Being a citizen of the United States of America, I am accustomed to hearing proud, flag-waving Americans loudly proclaim that we are the land of the free. However, this freedom apparently does not extend to sexual matters, and our society pays more dearly for that than most people are aware.
Sexual repression is nothing new. Many societies around the world place restrictions on the sex lives of their citizens, often with heavy consequences should an individual deviate from what is considered acceptable in that society. Adulterers, unwed lovers, homosexuals, and even people caught in the act of masturbating have been institutionalized, tortured, mutilated, or even executed for committing acts of sexual gratification.
While we no longer hang people for having sex out of wedlock or clamp spiked rings over the penises of masturbators, we can still hear the harpies of morality screeching their anti-sex agendas from pulpits and campaign platforms across the country. Concerned citizens boycott stores that carry literature about certain forms of sexual activity and lobby to squash anything remotely resembling sexual education in our schools. Television and radio producers are fined and chastised if their programming is deemed to be too racy for those moral-minded, sensitive American audiences. Adult-oriented establishments are greatly restricted in their activities, watched like hawks, and heavily fined or shut down completely for whatever whimsical reason the vice squads can dream up.
Even in the privacy of their own homes, citizens are strongly discouraged against practicing any type of sexual activity outside of mundane and marital pairings. And while some bold groups of open-minded individuals may stand up and claim their right to have sex with whomever and however they’d like, they quickly find themselves being held up as the poster children for everything that is wrong in America. Oh, how a much better place the USA would be if we didn’t have all those pesky homosexuals, masturbators, swingers, fetishists, and fornicators around, they say.
I say rubbish.
Some of the side effects of sexual repression as observed in human beings include lack of self-confidence, low self-esteem, depression, suicidal tendencies, and higher aggressive behavior. A child who has been taught to believe that sex is dirty and bad will often mature to become an adult who is self-conscious about his body and overwhelmed with guilt when the natural desire to breed arouses him. Adults who are restricted in their sexual inclinations will often experience frustration that can result in either suicidal actions or violence towards others.
It should come as a surprise to no one that societies that have more relaxed legislature over sexual matters enjoy a lower violent crime rate and are not often seen butting heads with other societies on the war field. This phenomenon was best documented in a study of one of our closest relatives, the Bonobo ape.
Bonobos, closely related to chimpanzees and also sharing more than 98 percent of the human genetic profile, are a species of primate which uses sexual activity not only for reproduction but also for social bonding. Bonobos have been observed to be indiscriminate in their sexual relations in regards to age or gender, and also are considered to be one of the more peaceful groupings of animals on the planet. Unlike chimpanzees and other animals that have a dominant-male or a strictly monogamous structure, the Bonobos are not often observed being aggressive towards one another over food, mates, or territory.
Even in human studies, sexual relief has been proven an effective remedy for anxiety, stress, and even some forms of depression. The personal vibrator itself was originally designed as a medical tool for doctors to use on their female patients to “relieve hysteria.” (Strangely enough, masturbating was considered to be an extremely unhealthy activity at the time, but it was OK if a physician did it for you.)
Numerous medical professionals, psychologists, philosophers, and other champions of sexual liberation and its benefits to society have been defamed and their work bastardized by political and religious leaders on the platform of morality and wholesome family values. Citizens of such societies are therefore instructed to deeply repress many of their strong natural urges and desires, resulting in an increase of frustration, stress, and emotional instability that is disguised with the mask of being “the right thing to do.”
Often this opens the door wide for religion, particularly the brands that demand their followers forsake earthly delights and suppress all natural inclinations as proof of being a good and worthy person. Never has the idea of how sexual repression can result in aggressive behavior been better demonstrated than with the history of the followers of such religions butchering and torturing other peoples whose attitudes on such subjects differed from their own. Nor is it a coincidence that the punishments dealt to such people often involved the mutilation of their sexual organs.
Even in modern times, we find an astounding number of violent sex crimes committed by perpetrators who speak of sexual repression and insecurity when interrogated. While the moral-minded platform speakers would have us believe that such criminal behavior is a model example of what people would be like if we were free to do as we pleased sexually, they fail to acknowledge that such crimes are often committed as the result of intense and long-term suppression of sexual desires.
One observation that counters the idea that sex crimes are the result of being exposed to an environment with relaxed moral codes is the fact that when some countries legalized pornography or other forms of sexual gratification, the rate of such crimes decreased dramatically, even by as much as 50 percent.
Just as an animal will either sink into an unhealthy, lethargic depression or go violently mad when confined to a small cage and denied freedom to abide by its nature, so will humans who are restricted by cages of sexual morality.
- Shiva Rodriguez
Relating Beyond Passive Aggressiveness & Assumptions. Communicating Honestly Before Expecting To Be Understood
" The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth! We invent a whole story that’s only truth for us, but we believe it. One assumption leads to another assumption; we jump to conclusions, and we take our story very personally. Then we blame others and react by sending emotional poison with our word.
Making assumptions and taking them personally creates a lot of emotional poison, and this creates a whole big drama for nothing. We make assumptions, we believe we are right about our assumptions, and then we defend our assumptions and try to make someone else wrong. We even assume we are right about something to the point that we will destroy relationships in order to defend our position.
Making assumptions in relationships leads to a lot of fights, a lot of difficulties, a lot of misunderstandings with people we supposedly love.
Often we make the assumption that our partners know what we think and that we don’t have to say what we want. We assume they are going to do what we want because they know us so well. If they don’t do what we assume they should do, we feel hurt and say, “How could you do that? You should have known.” In any kind of relationship we can make the assumption that others know what we think, and we don’t have to say what we want. Most of the time, these assumptions are made so fast and unconsciously because we have agreements to communicate this way. We have agreed that it is not safe to ask questions; we have agreed that if people love us, they should know what we want or how we feel. "
- Don Miguel Ruiz, from The Four Agreements.
It is such a strange, disheartening and abusive dynamic when someone projects their attachment to being seen as a "victim" in certain ways into how they act with others who are loving, respecting of & even directly state a need from them while relating for honestly, clearly verbally stated communication of their personal and sometimes changing boundaries & preferences in each moment. That such people, even when given full permission and clear request from someone relating with them to honestly clearly mutually respectfully communicate their subjective personal boundaries & preferences in any relational context ( since people are in truth widely diverse in how they interpret and what they are comfortable with and appreciatively enjoy ) at any time they have them during relational experiences, and they assure they will do so, but then don't until after they choose to feel offended and upset that the person trusted them to communicate before they reached that point.
It is arrogantly erroneously & abusively acting and relating to people as if no other range of appreciative openess and comfort with different experiences than their own vaguely or not at all stated limits & preferences at one moment can possibly exist or be equally valid. So even when directly asked & told by someone relating with them to simply own their responsability for honestly, mutually respectfully clearly verbally communicating at each & any new moment if they have a boundary & preference where it is so that it - they can be understood & respected, they abusively and passive aggressively manipulatively act out their victim hood complex by misleading someone into relating or doing something in some way that they don't want at that moment ( which many other people do love and enjoy ). But which they don't clearly say so until after they lead them into unintentionally relating in such way that they don't want to. Then turn around and act like they are a victim, when by doing so they were actually the dishonest, passive aggressively manipulative abuser of someone who was & is totally loving, respectful and trusting them to know, own & honestly communicate their subjective and maybe changing personal boundaries, preferences and perspectives in each moment so they can be understood and respected for the sake of both people's comfort and harmony.
Be directly, mutually respectfully honest. It is so important. It is essential to healing relationships, as what some interpret as neutral or undesirable, some people interpret and experience as deeply loving, healing and kind.
And only direct, mutually loving, honest communicating of ones subjective personal boundaries and preferences in each new moment when they are relevent allows mutual understanding and thus respecting of them and of both - all people directly relating with each other at that unique present moment.
It is equally important, respectful, healing & loving to respect our own, each others & all people's diverse ranges of openness to intimate relational experiences & sharing in them together up to mutual comfort, as it is to respect each others honestly, clearly communicated boundaries in each moment they are felt and wanted to be understood & respected. This is essential to keep in mind when we interpret our own and each others offers, intentions and choices for communicating and relating.
For this is also how we grow & open into appreciating and experiencing loving and being loved in diversely nurturing, caring ways.
"All That Is vibrates with desire. The denial of desire will bring you
only listlessness. Those who deny desire are the most smitten by it." Seth.
" Those who tell you that to be spiritual is not to be physical do not understand the great physical-spiritual nature of your being. They have not dreamed in their minds. They have not sparkled in themselves like stars and so experiencing night they think that existence is dark."
Seth. Jane Roberts.
"You are not cosmic princesses and princes who come down here to immerse yourselves in lives of sorrow and degradation; who wear physical bodies of great weight, gross and sinful.
You are spirits who express yourselves through the miraculous joy of flesh. Who bring to the Universe a reality unknown, in your terms. Who wear as your badge of identity, joy and exultation; and those that tell you that physical life is evil, do not know what they are speaking." Seth.
A common misconception of this society is that admitting feeling & sharing embodying loving care, intimacy & nurturing affection with more than one person when done honestly, or even with one specific person in long term relationship outside of formally sanctioned marriage or for purely sharing loving affection rather than procreation, is not possible or "right". That its just "fucking" to share sexual nurturing in such contexts.
Sometimes that attitude even carries over into some people feeling unwilling or uncomfortable to receive nurturing through massages, cuddling, unrestrained hugging, emotionally & physically affectionate friendships or other forms of affection with people in various contexts. Even though they do actually enjoy such experiences & people.
While each persons subjective personal preferences for ones own life and consensual relationships is equally valid, it can be growthful to question culturally & otherwise learned, normalized assumptions that love is somehow diminished or less real when shared in diverse ways.
Love, unitive intimacy, appreciation, embodying emotional intimacy grows, deepens and enriches us and those we share such with more fully the more we freely allow ourselves and each other to freely fully feel, express and enjoy being & sharing so with each person we feel it with in the only moment that ever exists - the ever present now.
It is a common fallacy of belief that physical intimacy - affection with people is only "really loving" and worthwhile with people we have known for a certain amount of linear time and have a rigidly defined, exclusive formal romantic relationship with approved of by a specific religious organization. That to be open to, want & enjoy receiving nurturing affection in more open contexts, whether sexually or simply sensually through massages, hugs, cuddling, etc., from & with people relatively new to us in terms of linear time known, can not be emotionally & spiritually loving as well. Yet in reality real loving intimacy has little to nothing to do with dependence on linear time to exist. It comes from within us. From our own development of this Love within ourselves. And flows fully from us in diverse ways beyond the artificial, intimacy blocking constraints of socially constructed notions of time & rigid relationship forms.
The more we cultivate a deep, in the moment embodying presence with open hearted, quiet minded loving feeling awareness & intention, the more natural it is to be unitively intimate with ourselves, life and thus all people we share resonance with in the only moment that exists - now. For this very moment is all we ever really have and are guaranteed here.
To withhold loving intimate presence, appreciation and its natural spiritual - sensual expressions & experiences because we think (too much) that it is "strange", not "normal", too soon, etc to simply be beautifully vulnerably appreciative & open to whatever embodying loving pleasure we feel and share with each person we are with in each moment, is in fact where the real lack of emotional - spiritual openness, intimacy & love happens.
When we are fully present and loving, our body naturally follows. It is only the socially fearfully conditioned mind that obsesses, worries, fears and thus distorts & blocks such natural free flowing loving intimacy with any person we feel at all open to in the only time that we ever really exist - each now. Whether we choose to share this emotionally, sensually or otherwise with multiple people, or reserve some expressions for one person and share in other ways with others.
" People who make accusations about other peoples supposed hidden, corrupt motives, are actually saying very little about the people they are accusing. But saying a great deal about themselves. Because what those people are saying, those people who spew those kind of accusations, is I cannot believe that anybody would do anything out of a sense of duty, or principle ( or empathy, kindness and love ). They must be doing it for some corrupt reason.
And the reason they think that, is because they themselves never do anything out of conviction, or principle ( or empathy, kindness and loving generosity in related ways ). And so they erroneously believe that everybody is plagued by the same pathology of soullessness that plagues them. "
The related quote below is from an article "There Are Better Things To Talk About Than Other People", located at http://www.becomingminimalist.com/there-are-better-things-to-talk-about-than-others/
" “How much time he gains who does not look to see what his neighbor says or does or thinks, but only at what he does himself.” ―Marcus Aurelius
" An old proverb tells the story of a person who repeated a rumor about a neighbor. Soon, the whole community had heard the rumor. Later, the person who spread the gossip learned that the rumor was untrue.
They then recognized their abusive error and were very sorry, and went to an elder in the community who had a reputation for great wisdom to seek advice. The elder told them, “Go to your home and take a feather pillow outside. Rip it open and scatter the feathers, then return to me tomorrow.” The person did as the elder had instructed.
The following day, they visited the elder. The elder said, “Go collect the feathers you scattered yesterday and bring them back to me.” The person went home and searched for the feathers, but the wind had carried them all away. Returning to the elder, they admitted, “I could find none of the feathers I scattered yesterday.” “You see,” said the elder, “it‘s easy to scatter the feathers but impossible to get them back.” So it is with gossip; it doesn’t take much to spread hurtful words, but once you do, you can never completely undo the damage. "
" You may not be aware of it, but this is a fact of biology, of bio-energy, that man and woman are opposite forces. Negative-positive, yin-yang, or whatsoever you call them, they are challenging to each other. And when they both meet in a deep relaxation, they revitalize each other. They both revitalize each other, they both become generators, they both feel livelier, they both become radiant with new energy, and nothing is lost. Just by meeting with the opposite pole energy is renewed. " Osho.
This naturally harmonizing, nurturing quality is true not only in directly sexual relating. But also through nonsexual, sensual energetic emotional nurturing of massages, cuddling, hugging and simple proximity when given for & shared with beings of complimentary embodying gender who are mutually lovingly appreciative of each other & this naturally harmonious aspect of our embodying beings.
Which is why in my private massage practice I have gradually refocused from giving to all people regardless of the presence or lack of compatible harmony of their personal attitudes & appreciation, embodying gender and care of their physicalizing consciousness.
To now specializing by contributing to mutually compatible beings embodying loving harmony, relaxation, vitality & wellness through massage in ways which feel I am able to be most authentically aligned & respectfully supportive of.
By specializing in giving for female embodying souls who are maintaining their embodying energy healthfully, communicate mutually respectfully honestly & directly with me about their personal preferences & perspectives so I can understand & respect them.
And who share appreciation of this natural harmonizing quality of energies even through energetically - sensually nurturing, nonsexual massage.
As these combined elements allow me to provide a more harmoniously nurturing experience for mutually compatible clientele. While also being healthier for my body & energy giving, allowing me to give supportive massages longer, with less strain on my body, and with more inspiration & energy.